How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Nobody wakes up one day and says to themselves, “Hmm… I wanna go get an affair today.” It just doesn’t happen like that. Affairs are always the result of a long, gradual process, many times without those involved even being fully aware of the destination they’re being taken to.

What if I pass on to you something that others have passed on to me: one, simple practice – a practice that when continually applied, will keep your marriage secure and keep potential landmines away?


Publicly talk about how much you love your spouse.

All the time.

It’s so simple, and yah – it can get awkward sometimes. I’ve got one guy on my newsfeed who takes this principle a little too far. Weird. You don’t need to do it in a way that needlessly makes those in your social feed feel jealous (or worse, gross)… but you do want to let them know you’re taken… that you’re committed… that you’re seriously not open to another option.

Faithfulness is something we all long for, no matter who you are. We longed for it from our parents, even though we may not have admitted it at the time. We long for it from our employers and our coworkers on the job. And we long for it in our own relationships.

The problem is, we don’t often believe it’s possible.

So we stop trying.

We stop saying the things we used to say when we fell in love.

And instead we start saying the negatives or the whatever’s or the frustrations. And that’s the message that gets heard.

And while we do that… slowly, the vultures outside the home circle the air over our heads a little bit closer. A little bit closer. A little bit closer… Eventually, they’ll be close enough to see that the front door isn’t fully shut, and before long they’ll invite themselves in.




Don’t Lose Your Voice

i try to read and keep up with a number of blogs from a variety of backgrounds. they stretch my thinking, give me new ideas and inspiration, and challenge where i’m at.

but i just removed one blog from my google reader. the guy was a pastor at a growing church and had a ton of great content on leadership – i loved reading his stuff. about a month ago when i checked out his blog there was a letter posted from him to his congregation, admitting to a 2 year long affair with someone else in the church.

my heart still aches for the church, staff, and certainly for him and his family. i watched the new interim pastor read the letter to the congregation in a church service when the news broke. it was painful to watch over a computer screen with no real connect to the church. i can’t imagine what it must have been like to hear the unbelievable news about a person you’ve grown to love and trust. it’s unneeded, stupid pain.

tomorrow i’ll post on what i do when i hear of others in ministry who have been sidelined due to sin. i want it to be more than tabloids and news for me; i want it to serve as a humble reminder of how it could just as easily be me. but in the wake of this experience, he still is posting content on church leadership, and i just have a hard time respecting his voice anymore when i see his posts come up. is it something for me to work through? …probably. but nonetheless, the fact remains:

when you’re sidelined due to sin, [at least for a time] you lose your voice and influence. it doesn’t matter how much training, experience, and skills you possess, if you lose your purity and sacrifice your family, you lose your voice.

friends, there’s still too much to be done for you to step out of the game. it could be you and it could be me just as easily. what are you doing to keep yourself in the game?